Know Your Values

My last essay, Moms Need Other Moms, introduced the concept of ACT, which is Acceptance and Commitment Training. I completed my ACT Facilitator Training earlier this month and am looking forward to offering ACT workshops to my community later this year.

In the meantime, I'll share my biggest learnings from ACT. I'm a practical person, not a theoretical one, so I'll present the main points in my own way, which is through storytelling. I'm also not speaking officially about ACT, because I'm a novice so I'm continually learning.

ACT is about accepting your thoughts and feelings -all of them, even the hard ones. It is about giving yourself self-compassion for being human, and then choosing an action that moves you towards your values.

When I get lost and confused in life, I know that I have drifted away from my values. Sometimes I've even forgotten what my values are. Values can change with time. I recently identified these three personal values:

1. Nurturing

2. Advocacy

3. Creativity

To me, nurturing means giving the people I care about safe spaces to blossom. Advocacy is looks like speaking up even when I'm afraid. My creativity comes through words, so writing regularly is important to me, whether it is through journalling, essay-writing or even social media posting.

These three words act as my compass as I make decisions and travel through life. I wrote them on a stickie that I put on my date book. They give me clarity, and they are considerably different than the values I grew up with. Nurturing, advocacy and creativity don't come naturally to me. I have to purposely work to move towards them. Sometimes I stumble and lose my way. That's okay. That's being human.

What are your personal values? Choosing values is a common exercise if you embark on therapy, coaching or participate in an ACT Workshop. You can do it yourself and post your values somewhere close-by to guide you if you've lost your way.

Here's a handy list of values to choose from, adapted from ACT guru Russ Harris.

What values speak to your heart right now?